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| I'm Kenny Katz baby! Fear me~!
This morning I'm hungry....but our food supply is running a little on the low side. When I'M home normally I stuff my face. I don't like watching T.V, shows, movies or whatever without food. It feels empty, like what am I suppose to do? Just watch it?! This is blasphemy!!!
Hm....get cold lately, time for my death season. I kind of lost 1 of my gloves in my room. Sucks cuz I like that one. Looks like I'm gonna have to clean sometime soon.
You ever Wake up and feel like "FUCK I'm older" and you don't wanna be? lol that happened to me this morning. But then again I always as a kid hated getting older. I'm like *sigh* I have to do more school work and homework, I just wanna play. haha I'm a bit on the lazy side so it makes sense.
and in closing I can summarize w/ HADOU ^_~
Btw I'm so sexy w/ colors =^.^=
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| Do you ever feel out of place? I'm sure most people do, but its really odd when you don't fit in with the people you live with. My family upstairs I'm talking about. There is no conversation past small talk, and most of the time its just a "hi, how are you?" type of thing.
Guess its normally been like this for a long while, but I've been thinking wouldn't it be nice to come home to people who listen and care about what you say? Or that are happy when you get home. This is no big deal really just a passing thought. I'm slightly envious of people who can share dinners with whoever they live with and just talk. Meals for me involve me making something then coming into my room and watching something on the computer while eating.
I guess what made me write this is, there was food on the stove and after a shower it was all gone. Or the foods I eat is taken by other people. I get annoyed and think wtf guys you have your own food with meat in it. Don't steal my shit. If I can get upstairs for myself, and a certain roommate then I think I'd be happy. Food wouldn't be an issue, it wouldn't be awkward to go from room to room. It would feel like a real home.
Well IF they do move out in December 2010 and I have enough income by then, I'm totally taking this place. Wish me luck
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| Well your local MAST is back, feeling somewhat inspired by a dream I just woke from. Not really sure what it means but its falls under the failing love category I guess.
She was my best friend, we spent most of our days inside and outside school hanging out with each other. Our parents were pretty good friends with one another, they knew how close of friends we were. With all the time I spent with her I felt I could tell her anything or be myself, and I felt no matter what she'd still be my closest friend. Lately I started feeling more then that for her. But just little things, I'd try and hold her for short amounts of time, I'd share my food and drink. Every once and a while I'd pay for her stuff, or try to help out with whatever I could.
I felt it was to soon to express my feelings for you. As we hadn't grown close enough in that sense. So I waiting but felt she was starting to wonder about it too. I could tell the way she talked, it was different. Nicer and more caring then it was prior. She'd bother me about silly things and our phone calls would last longer then normal. Though I was quite slow I really thought we had something here. She knew things about me no one else did, and the same applied for me to her. I was really happy, you know that feeling of hope that makes the day seem so much better. I think our classmates started noticing and asking if we were together. I'd tell them we'll see in just a bit longer.
I was planning to find out soon, I felt so very sure about it. Our friends would see how happy I was and would wish me the best of luck. Well since school was starting to reach an end, there would be this movie thing going on in the auditorium, not sure what movie. But I really could have cared less, I was so happy I could hardly wait.
Well as the fated day finally came we took our seats at the end of the row closest to the wall. Sort of in the middle back section of the auditorium. I moved in a little closer to you, and she did the same. It turns out the students got to vote for the film being played that afternoon. The movie that one looked like some old cheesy horror film. I laughed to myself when I saw the quality. Well about 40 minutes into the movie I couldn't take it anymore. I took a deep breath and before I could get any word out of my mouth she kissed me on the cheek. With a wide eyes expression I started at you speechless. She saw how nervous and surprised I was so she did it again. My heart had skipped a beat in the process, I looked at you and smiled like I never did before. I felt this was it, I was so sure about it. Like this moment right now was so perfect nothing could go wrong. As I leaned in to kiss you the words "this is it" kept playing in my head. The moment felt so right as our lips touched and before the kiss was ever though. She pulled back, being the type of person I am. My reaction was to say "I'm sorry, is everything okay?"
You asked me did that kiss do anything for you? Like did I feel any connection or spark. Before I could answer and blurt out all the things I felt for you. You looked at me and said you didn’t feel anything, that it just wasn’t what you were hoping for. At that moment I felt my heart sink and break at almost exactly the same time. Not knowing what to do or say in response I mumbled yea…me too.
I guess I failed to mention I had tried asking her out two years ago, and was denied. She said she was afraid of ruining our friendship. I thought since that time, I could become a better person. I got a job, I started becoming more well known in school, I dressed better. I really did try all those things with the hope I could become a better person for you.
I think I'll spare the details, but after that point I felt sort of lost. To me, she was my world and all I ever hoped for. I guess from that point on I shut out the res of the world. Keeping to myself, doing things on my own. I'm sure you're wondering what happened to the girl who I felt so much for. Well lets just say she started noticing the change, and I stopped wanting to see her. We ended up getting into an argument. She yelled at me saying I thought you didn't feel anything either. I had time to think about it, and tell her how I really felt the good and the bad. She seemed pretty speechless and just left. I don't hear from her anymore. I would like to tell you all, don't put all your hope in one person. Cause when things don't go your way, reality can crash down pretty hard on you. I learned the hard way....
I still didn't reread or look it over. So again there could still be errors and such XD
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| Sleep I needz it!
Tomorrow is gonna be a fun day, going to try to make chili tomorrow with my assistant chef and co-worker Janine. It'll most likely take and hour or so to make, doing it from scratch is always much better and something to be really proud of. I'm hoping getting back into cooking will help me gain the weight I need to be a fucking lyrical rap master. Yup I got the funkiest freshest hottest most bad ass beats this side of the planet has ever seen. To bad I dislike rap music.... Well wish us luck in our cooking journey and I'll post the results and what not later. Hey maybe if you're luck I'll put up a picture, haha well It'll be a after work hobby to make big meals. HOORA!!
Well nighty night world, Kenny Katz signing off (that sounded sexy....I might use that from now on)
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| Ahh what to do when you're confused and can't do anything but wait?
Well I guess you can't do anything else but wait...and try to preoccupy yourself with other things in the time.
Putting your life on hold to only wait is never really productive, but its a really easy thing to do.
Time to find some stuff to do, to keep moving. Can't stand around to long doing nothing, cause when the time of waiting is over, I won't be able to hold my head high and say "I've become a better person in that time."
Haha today's entry is motivation!!
Time to go do some shit!
P.S I think I've been feeling a little colorful lately ^_~
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